just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
