You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
