Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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