Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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