Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
