Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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