Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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