you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize