My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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