What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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