there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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