you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
