omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
