the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
