Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
