You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
