I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
