Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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