he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
