I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
