If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
