just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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