i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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