Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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