In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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