is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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