i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
