Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
