Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
