Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
