drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
