We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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