I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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