Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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