3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
