a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
