You're like the curious george of whores
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
