Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
