my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
