he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
