If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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