So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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