I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
