the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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