I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
