she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
