I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
