Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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