I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
