How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
