He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
