she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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