dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
