Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
