Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
3 2 1 whiskey
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
