Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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