I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
