She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
