Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize