so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize