if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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