I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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