I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
