I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
