I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
