My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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