WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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