I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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