Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
