How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
