I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
