either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
